i never update this thing.

i kind of forgot about this. only kind of though. it's mostly that i just never have anything to say. and partly because i prefer livejournal, not that i update that very much either.

let's see. what do i have to say?

i fucking hate december and christmas. why everyone in my family feels the need to turn into a fucking dick around this time of year is completely beyond me. but i'm so irritated these days and i just don't want to be around anyone.

apparently, i'm not allowed to complain about work anymore at home. it's "obnoxious" i guess? okay. sure. everyone else can complain about work or school or whatever but i do it and it's obnoxious. right. IC WUT U ALL DID THURR. (except not really.)

i want a vacation. really bad. i want to get away from everyone. i don't know why but i'm so sick of everything again. =/

i know i complain a lot. i'm sorry.

hungryyy.

i want my food to come.

guhhh.

when i woke up this morning, i did not expect to be in a bank for ten hours.
i also did not expect to want to punch everything and anything in sight because the acsm is so irritating.


on the bright side, i ordered pizza for dinner. it's going to be a very late dinner but i don't care right now. i'm just glad there's a bright side.

argh!

dear stupid bitch ass customer,
under no circumstances do you ever have any right to yell at me. come in and try that again and watch me get your account closed.
stupid hoe.

not so much love,
me.

and again.

three weeks down, one to go. i keep telling myself that but then i realize all that means is that i get to do this same thing closer to home. now, i'm not going to say i hate this job. it's not one of those things where i wake up in the morning and seriously consider shoving a pointy object in my eye just to get out of going. no, i don't hate it. but i definitely do not love it. not nearly. it's okay. i might be able to grow to like it once i get a little more used to all the procedures and the nervousness goes away. and to be honest, i would probably like it a little better if i could sit sometimes. my ankle has been giving me no end of problems this last week and it's only a matter of time until my knee starts hurting too.

however, i do love everyone at the vallejo branch and i'm kind of sad that i'm not going to actually be working there. i'm not sad that i won't be living in a hotel though. i can definitely do without that part. and apparently, i'm not even going to the branch i got hired for at first. i'm going to the other one in martinez first. for at least a month, possibly more. it's not a big deal, i guess. just a little on the frustrating side. like nothing about this job is going the way it was presented to me. but i suppose we won't get into that in any more detail.

in other news, i was just at amy's house watching rachel and her friends get ready for homecoming. probably the only time i will ever see michelle merino in a dress. the girls looked so pretty and grown up. it actually made me feel kind of old. =/

being a grown up is overrated.

i don't mind being busy or anything.
in fact, i'd rather have something to do than nothing most of the time.
but fuck if working 40 hours a week doesn't make me tired all the time.
i guess after not working for a year, i forgot about that part.

and i miss michelle.
just sayin.

the past week.

okay fairfield sucks. or at least sitting in a hotel room by yourself for most of the week sucks.

but on the plus side, i hung out with brandie. and i got a really nice jacket. originally $70, and i got it for $17 because, hello, i'm amazing. AND me and brandie had a sushi party in my hotel room. it was awesome.

training was more boring than i could ever imagine. i never did well with "school." and well, i still don't. it was all i could do to not shove my pen in my eye this week. no joke.

and then, today, in the bank. holy crap. i stood/sat all day watching my trainer's other trainee do her work. it was... fascinating. only not really.






oh, and i feel the need to state for the record that i have a total girl crush on kat von d.

the used.

fucking amazing show.
i have a huge crush on jeph.

"well, at least Cartel will outsell SOMETHING this year."

from ap.net

The track listing to Taking Back Sunday's upcoming Notes From the Past can be seen below. The album will come out on October 30, 2007 on Victory Records.

Track Listing
Chapter 1
You Know How I Do
You’re So Last Sumer
Ghost Man On Third
Cute Without The ‘E’
Chapter 2
A Decade Under The Influence
Bonus Mosh pt. II
The Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)
Number Five With A Bullet
One Eighty By Summer
...Slowdance On The Inside
FOOTNOTES (B-SIDES)
The Ballad of Sal Villanueva
Your Own Disaster ‘04


dear tony brummel,
please take this garbage and shove it up your ass. no one with a brain is going to buy this. everyone has these songs already. quit trying to make money off taking back sunday just because they're ~famous now.
p.s. they left victory records because you suck.

impressed.

sallie mae was actually helpful for once.

after two weeks of being told my only option was to make a payment on my loan, i got a call from someone who had a better solution.

thank god. that's one less thing to worry about.

AP Magazine

i got my new issue of AP magazine today (and just a little sidenote, i cannot type the word 'magazine' correctly the first time, ever.) and i while flipping through it, i felt the need to respond to something a reader wrote in about.

I was thoroughly disappointed to see Bert McCracken disgracing the cover AP 228. Not only am I disgusted that the majority of the Used's fame relies on broken relationships with Kelly Osbourne and Gerard Way, but trash-talking My Chemical Romance to sell records. I also find McCracken's widely acknowledged substance abuse to be a bad influence on a very naive generation of fans, especially when I started listening to them at the age of 12. When I found that Bert had started badmouthing someone he publicly acknowledged as a good friend, it made me think: "Is he just some scuzzy rock star that screams out a song or two before vomiting onstage to sober up enough to make it through a set? When I witnessed his drunkenness at a Vans Warped tour Show, I'd lost all respect, as he drunkenly wobbled around with a megaphone telling kids not to watch My Chemical Romance perform. So, AP, I still love you but am a little disappointed in your article attempting to glorify a drug addict and backstabber.
Julia Slater
Martinez, CA

okay, now before i respond, i just want to clarify that i am in no way testifying to bert's character because i don't know him. for all i know, he could be the world's sweetest dude or the world's biggest prick.

first of all, julia slater, you should know that a great deal of my chem's initial fame was due to bert being a huge fan of them and the used taking them out on tour after tour after tour. so to say it's the other way around is just ridiculous. and as for him trash talking them- often times when people have a bad falling out with a friend, they talk shit. it's just how humans work. now, i understand that it isn't a classy thing to do, especially on stage, in interviews, in songs, whatever, but that's not the point. the point is that bert is a person just like you and me (or maybe just me, you seem kind of... dumb.) and therefore is going to act like a "normal" person does. so please get down off your high horse when it comes to what bert says.

second, the fact that this generation is so naive is not bert's fault or problem. i'm not saying i agree with substance abuse in any way, because i definitely don't, but that's another rant altogether. but it seems to me that if people see the effects of substance abuse it should turn them off of it, rather than on to it. i know that's not exactly how it works. everyone wants to be like their 'idol' or 'hero.' and therein lies the problem. the kids don't think for themselves. and it's not really fair to put that on one man's shoulders when there are tons of other people out there abusing controlled substances (lindsay lohan, what's up?). are you going to write to everyone and tell them how much so and so ~sucks?

now onto the cute little comment about him 'vomiting onstage to sober up enough to make it through a set.' from everything i've heard about those instances, he was, in fact, not drunk on stage, but rather running around like a mad man under really hot lights and screaming his lungs out. why don't you go outside and run a mile in hundred degree weather, screaming the whole way and see if you don't vomit. my money says you do.

and finally, i read that article, and my memory may not be perfect, but i don't recall it seeming like they were trying to glorify anyone. in fact, if i remember correctly, they more made bert come off as an asshole than anything. either way, it's nothing to get worked up over. he's just a regular dude.

i feel like shit.

i'm exhausted.
i'm dehydrated.
and it's too fucking hot.

it's too early to be alive.

approximately 9 hours of sleep over two nights.
and i'm supposed to go take a timed math test in less than an hour.
all i have to say to that is...









fuck.

frustrated as all fuck.

don't go away for the weekend, whether it's for bowling or work or just time away or what the fuck ever, and come home all bitchy. i've been bitchy since thursday and i've been trying really hard not to show it because i don't want to get into with anyone, okay?

also, when i have headphones on, i shouldn't be able to hear someone else's music over mine because it's going DIRECTLY INTO MY EARS. mmkay.

AND ANOTHER THING... i know your satellite radio sits on my hutch but it should not be shaking my desk.





uhh god you have no idea how bitchy i feel.

surprise attack! i mean interview.

so my mom calls me this morning and goes, "you wanna have an interview today at lunch?" and i was like huhwhat? an interview? and she goes, "marty said if you go in to the bank today and ask for susan macpherson she'll interview you today for the job." so i was like err alright. nevermind the fact that my dad's not home. chris is working. rachel is working (well, volunteering). and vicki and samantha are at their freshman orientation. so that leaves me, katey and the kitty at home. can't leave kate at home by herself. just doesn't work that way. but that's really not the point of this. the point is that i went in and i had the interview and i talked to susan's recruiter and it sounds like all i have to do is a pass a test and the job is pretty much mine.

i hate subjects.

"This user's profile has been temporarily disabled for special maintenance. The profile will be available again shortly. Sorry for the inconvenience. 8/13/2007 "

O RLY MYSPACE?
my profile doesn't need any maintenance. D:

armor for sleep posted a new song on absolutepunk.net and after about 20 minutes or so of fighting with the website, i finally got to listen to it. i dig it.


sunburned legs are not fun.

oh, reality.

i've been listening to hit the lights and i started thinking, gosh, i love this band.
and then i remembered that their singer left and now it'll never be the same.
way to freakin bum myself out.

sometimes i just want to scream at how ridiculous everything seems. [/random]

i also realized the irony in a certain situation.
or i suppose two separate situations that are intertwined by a common person.
sometimes i just want to smack people upside the head.

can't win.

for all the problems i was having sleeping a week ago, i think i am now overcompensating and sleeping far too much. too much sleep, not enough sleep, doesn't matter. i'm always tired. just can't win.

but enough of that.

i need a job. i swear, i say this at least once a week. usually more. if it's not for one reason, it's for something else. right now, i'm bored. fucking bored out of my mind. and well, a job would fix that. a job would also fix the fact that i can't afford to go to a doctor for my ankle. and it would fix the fact that i don't have enough money to go to the eye doctor for an eye exam and new glasses. and it would also fix the fact that i'm sick of all my shoes but can't afford new ones. yes, that last one is completely ridiculous, but i'd say i'm a bit of a shoe whore and i haven't gotten new ones since december.

in other news- um... actually i don't think there is any other news. i'm boring. i have no life. i'm somewhat okay with that, i guess.

YOUR BIRTH WAS AN UNEXPECTED ERROR, TOM.

once again i can't sleep. there's nothing on tv. and of course myspace is being all LOL ERROR ERROR ERROR. which means i can't even play around on there.

i wrote a lovely rant earlier today and i can't decide if i should post it or not.

i'm kind of freaking out because i think there's a brown recluse spider in my house. as in, i saw a spider that looks a hell of a lot like a brown recluse.

i just went back and deleted 'so' from three places in this post. i realized that i use that word too much.

my phone just finished charging. completely random and who really cares, right? the only reason i got back up after i went to bed (but couldn't fall asleep) was because my phone died. and i thought, what better time to charge it?

this post is ridiculous and has no point. it didn't even waste that much time and i still have nothing to do.

shoot me, someone.

this whole not being able to sleep at a reasonable hour thing is getting ridiculous. it's just about 3AM and i'm wide awake. it's not for a lack of trying though. i lay in bed for an hour and a half and... nothing. one would think that just LAYING THERE in the dark doing nothing would make someone bored and therefore tired. apparently that's not how it works. not for me anyway.

and on top of that, not only does my ankle still hurt, but my knee hurts too. that hasn't happened in awhile. can we just amputate my whole right leg? i'd look pretty sweet with only one leg, right?

um, yeah. i don't have anything constructive to say at all. i'm just frustrated and wanted to complain. and complain i did.

today.

not only did i manage to drop my phone on my ankle while i was sitting on my bed earlier, i smacked it into the leg of a chair a few hours later. as if it wasn't bothering me enough before all that. it's kind of killing me now. boo.

i also did not go see 2*Sweet tonight even though they were playing two miles down the street from my house. basically, i'm not supposed to be spending money and i decided it wasn't worth getting on my dad's bad side over. i'm bummed, but at the same time, i probably shouldn't have gone with all the shit i did to my ankle today anyway.

um. that's all.

LET'S SETTLE SCORES ON THE INTERNET.

there's a difference between living life and killing yourself.



you really wanna take me on? fucking bring it.

i'm really... special.

my virus scan updates itself every day around 2AM. this made sense when my brother set it up because i was working and most likely would be sleeping at that time, so it wouldn't interrupt anything i do.

so anywho, it always updates itself and when it's done, a box pops up with an 'okay' button for me to push. well, not this time. this time, it was a box telling me that i need to restart my computer for the updates to work. and, being me, i don't pay any attention to what it says and just push the button. the one that says, yes, please shut down everything i'm in the middle of and restart my computer right now so i'm completely and totally protected from a virus i might randomly get while my computer is not being used.

good job, bets. good job.

not that i was doing anything important. but that's hardly the point.




so, i think i'll go try that sleeping thing because i'm supposed to get up at a decent hour so i can go driving again before my dad has to go to work.

two posts in less than 12 hours.

i really want to scream.

my journal, my thoughts?

so i've got these stupid journals all over the place. most of them are dead, for whatever reason. but there are a few that are alive, including one that no one knows about. and the idea of these things, if i'm not mistaken, is to write your thoughts, opinions, etc. YOURS. and it doesn't necessarily have to be things that everyone will agree with. right? so if that's the case, why do i feel like i have to censor shit because someone might get offended? it's frustrating, because "in real life" i rarely censor myself. i probably offend people all the time, because hey, i have an opinion and i like to express it. so why is it such a big damn deal on the internet?

WHEN DID THE INTERNET BECOME SUCH SERIOUS BUSINESS?





in other news- i need a job so i can afford a trip to the doctor. there for real is something wrong with my ankle and i should get it checked out.

and i also can't type today.





edit: i am an idiot. censor, not sensor.

deleted.

not interested in internet drama.

just... no.

this is not okay, i don't care who you are:






i died a little inside. ='(

101

okay really, it's far too hot. my brain can't even comprehend 101 degrees, so my body doesn't have any clue how to function properly. this is beyond ridiculous.

i wish so hard that i lived in san francisco.

um what?

dear myspace, please stop being a whore.


whoever wrote this is really speshul.

1.Real M.C.R fans know more songs than Welcome to the Black Parade.
Fake M.C.R fans know the chorus of Welcome to the Black Parade.

2.Real M.C.R fans know Gerard Ways brothers name.
Fake M.C.R fans don't know he has a brother.

3.Real M.C.R fans shout when one of their songs comes on.
Fake M.C.R fans calmly say "I love this song".

4.Real M.C.R fans punch their cousins/brothers/parents/friends for dissing Gerards hair.
Fake M.C.R fans diss Gerards hair.

5.Real M.C.R fans know the names of everyone in the band and what they do.
Fake M.C.R fans know Gerard sings.

6.Real M.C.R fans shop for hours just to find a jacket like the band have for an M.C.R concert or spend hours making one!.
Fake M.C.R fans wear black and think they match the band.

7.Real M.C.R fans know the names of their first two albums and songs off them
Fake M.C.R fans know "Im not Okay" and "Welcome to the Black Parade".

8.Real M.C.R fans were on the phone constantly on the week from the 25th of March to the 1st of april trying to get tickets to see them at the special gig in Koko.
Fake M.C.R fans didn't know they were singing at a special gig in koko.

9.Real M.C.R fans know where they come from.
Fake M.C.R fans say they're from America.

10.Real M.C.R fans know where they charted at with Famous Last Words.
Fake M.C.R fans heard the song on MTV.

11.Real M.C.R fans listen to The Black Parade the whole way through from start to end, without skipping tracks because they like them all!
Fake M.C.R fans like Welcome to the Black Parade.

12.Real M.C.R fans have this on their profile !!!
Fake M.C.R fans have just realised what shit heads they are.



I GUESS JUST ENJOYING A BAND'S MUSIC DOESN'T MAKE YOU A FAN ANYMORE.

gay pride

i think i get sunburned every time i step outside.

so, i went to gay pride today with rachel and my cousin jennifer. it was, well, crowded. now, i know the last time i went was four years ago, but i swear, i don't remember it being nearly that crowded. i saw a naked man within thirty seconds of being there. haha. it was pretty much impossible to walk. but we somehow managed to look at everything and we saw the very end of the parade. and i got new wings. pretty cool.

i feel like i'm really starting to suck at this blogging thing.

blogspot is weird.

i just tried to sign in and it confused the hell out of me. username apparently means email? since when? whatever.

i'm tired. i should be sleeping. but my room is cold and therefore rather uninviting, which makes sleep seem so unlikely.

i'm kind of overdramatic at this hour. lame.

yet another one of these things.

this makes online journal number 98465984798198. i don't have the slightest clue what i'm going to do with this.