from my phone

earlier toinght, my mom mentioned that i have plenty of family in michigan and therefore could move there. i said i didn't think it was a good idea but the more i think about it, the more i'm thinking that maybe it is.

not the walking dead.

now you try too hard for the simple things
that are never out of reach
grew up too fast, gave up on dreams and you're stuck

i've been listening to this band called fireworks pretty much non stop for the past week and this one song in particular is making me believe in the dreams i had for three years. i never meant to give up on them. i didn't mean to become an old man over night just because of this stupid civilian job i have. there is so much more to life than just getting through the day, the night, the week, whatever.

this past year has been rough and maybe that has been part of why i lost sight of what i love about the music and the words and the meaning and freedom of it all. i know it might sound silly, but i'm ready to get back into it. it might just be a dream forever, but i think i'd rather have that dream and never get to do it than not even have anything to work toward at all.

don't say a word.

hey internet, i'm going to stop coming around if you keep bringing me bad news.

2*sweet is breaking up and i'm terribly upset about this. they're a fantastic pop punk band from chicago. i never got a chance to see them. a little over a year ago, they played a show a couple miles down the street from my house and i couldn't make it. such garbage.

living up to promises.

something i try to avoid on blogs is the topic of friendship. mostly because i believe if you have something to say to someone, it should be kept between you and that person. but there's no easy way to tell someone that they're being a shitty friend.

i'll be honest, i have let some friendships slip away too easily. but i don't really see the point in trying to force someone to be my friend if they've lost interest. it's better to just let it go than to be surrounded by people who don't care, who aren't willing to put forth any effort.

at the same time, i have put more time and heart into some friendships than i have ever gotten in return. i have reached out more times than i count to some people only to have my hand slapped away or, at times, completely ignored. it's draining.

when i've said that i would be there any time, day or night, i lived up to that promise. i've answered phone calls and text messages at three in the morning when i had to be up early for something important. when i've said that i'll be honest, i was. when i've said i wouldn't judge, i didn't.

i kept those promises and more. i'm tired of this vicious cyle. i'm better than just being the "back up" friend.

"this is only a test."

i don't know what's going on right now.

my head is fuzzy. some days i want to just avoid everyone. stay in bed and sleep off whatever is bugging me.

the purpose of this blog is completely lost on me. talk about my day. talk about my feelings. talk about the world. talk about people. talk about crazy ideas. talk about the past. i don't know. livejournal? blogspot? livejournal? myspace? blogspot? blogspot? blogspot?


i miss the city.