who knows?

maybe love isn't meant to last forever. maybe what people who have been together for years see as being "in love" is really just "comfort." and we all like to be comfortable. we all like familiarity.

maybe we're meant to love a person for now. and then when that fades, we're meant to find someone else who we can love until that fades. and so on. maybe we aren't supposed to have only one real true great love. maybe we're meant to have many.

maybe marriage and the idea of eternal love are just boundries set by religions. maybe it's a form of self discipline.

or maybe it depends on the person. maybe some people just simply don't have the capacity to love only one person. but maybe some people can and do fall in love once and stay there forever.

i suppose the big question is, if we really are only meant to have one love, how do we know if the person we spend our whole lives with is the person we're supposed to be with? how do we know we aren't cheating ourselves or someone else out of their great love?

how do we ever really know?

it seems i forgot how to smile.

call this a mask, call me strong
call me a mess, call me wrong
'cause sick hearts do fine with wasting their time

sigh.

i didn't have the greatest morning.
i don't really want to have to interact with people.
i would much rather be home sleeping.
that's all.

and everything just falls apart.

lately everything has been seeming like a challenge. getting out of bed. showering. getting dressed. going to work during the week, being awake on the weekend. feeling alive. smiling. opening my eyes. standing. sitting. not going crazy.

things are just crumbling.

i said it on my livejournal and i guess i'll say it here: i've been feeling detached. i don't know why. i'm not entirely sure when it started and i don't have a clue when it will end. i'm not very certain of anything right now.

all i really know at this very moment is that i can't wait until this heat goes away and i would absolutely love to have someone to just waste time with.