i just... don't know.

everything about the beginning of this year is wearing on me so badly. first it was sara getting fired and all the changes that came with that at work. then it was hearing about krystel's death. all the stress and sadness, respectively, from those things were enough to make me want to give up on anything and everything and just sleep through the rest of 2008. and just when i'm starting to feel better, max tells me he's having health problems.

god, when i read that, i almost started bawling. i automatically started thinking the worst 'what if' scenarios. and i'm not trying to make this all about me. obviously it's hard on him. it's worse for him to be going through it than for me to read the words he types on a screen. but it just scares me.

as much as this isn't about me, i feel like i just can't catch a break. how fucking terrible of me is that?


"nothing great is ever easy."
so far the beginning of this year has been just about unbearable.
there better be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.
it better end up being fucking amazing.
i don't want all of this to be for nothing.

2008

this year hasn't started off so great. i'm not going to go into detail though. i think most everyone knows what's been going on.

i'm going to try to be positive. i know, that's weird for me, right? well, i need something to get me through each day and negativity on top of stress isn't going to cut it. so here's hoping that things can only get better.

i think i'm going to seriously start looking for another job. it's not that i hate my job. it's that i know it's not right for me. at this point, i'm not really sure i'm going to find something that's perfect for me, but i need something that's a little closer than what i've got.

there's not really much else to say.

i love michelle because she calls me on my shit.