so...

i figured it was about time for a change.
and green just so happens to be my favorite color at the moment.

"there's too much green to feel blue."

you ever catch a lyric in a song you've heard a hundred times and it just hits home? i think sometimes there are songs i know by heart that i don't completely get until i'm not really paying attention when they're on. it's weird how that works.

i just... don't know.

everything about the beginning of this year is wearing on me so badly. first it was sara getting fired and all the changes that came with that at work. then it was hearing about krystel's death. all the stress and sadness, respectively, from those things were enough to make me want to give up on anything and everything and just sleep through the rest of 2008. and just when i'm starting to feel better, max tells me he's having health problems.

god, when i read that, i almost started bawling. i automatically started thinking the worst 'what if' scenarios. and i'm not trying to make this all about me. obviously it's hard on him. it's worse for him to be going through it than for me to read the words he types on a screen. but it just scares me.

as much as this isn't about me, i feel like i just can't catch a break. how fucking terrible of me is that?


"nothing great is ever easy."
so far the beginning of this year has been just about unbearable.
there better be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.
it better end up being fucking amazing.
i don't want all of this to be for nothing.

2008

this year hasn't started off so great. i'm not going to go into detail though. i think most everyone knows what's been going on.

i'm going to try to be positive. i know, that's weird for me, right? well, i need something to get me through each day and negativity on top of stress isn't going to cut it. so here's hoping that things can only get better.

i think i'm going to seriously start looking for another job. it's not that i hate my job. it's that i know it's not right for me. at this point, i'm not really sure i'm going to find something that's perfect for me, but i need something that's a little closer than what i've got.

there's not really much else to say.

i love michelle because she calls me on my shit.

i never update this thing.

i kind of forgot about this. only kind of though. it's mostly that i just never have anything to say. and partly because i prefer livejournal, not that i update that very much either.

let's see. what do i have to say?

i fucking hate december and christmas. why everyone in my family feels the need to turn into a fucking dick around this time of year is completely beyond me. but i'm so irritated these days and i just don't want to be around anyone.

apparently, i'm not allowed to complain about work anymore at home. it's "obnoxious" i guess? okay. sure. everyone else can complain about work or school or whatever but i do it and it's obnoxious. right. IC WUT U ALL DID THURR. (except not really.)

i want a vacation. really bad. i want to get away from everyone. i don't know why but i'm so sick of everything again. =/

i know i complain a lot. i'm sorry.

hungryyy.

i want my food to come.

guhhh.

when i woke up this morning, i did not expect to be in a bank for ten hours.
i also did not expect to want to punch everything and anything in sight because the acsm is so irritating.


on the bright side, i ordered pizza for dinner. it's going to be a very late dinner but i don't care right now. i'm just glad there's a bright side.