new year's eve.

your innocence is not forgotten
i hope you know that where you are, i wish you well
i hope you sleep in a perfect memory

...

yesterday just took me hostage
yesterday locked me away from any truth
and now tomorrow's here without you
i know it's hard
i've tried but i could never say goodbye

i'm trying so hard not to associate new year's eve with krystel's death, but the fact of the matter is that it will be one year tomorrow. i've spent the last three days on the verge of tears and i'm dreading having to wake up in the morning. part of me is hoping that i'm overreacting and tomorrow won't be so bad.



this has been the best and worst year ever. i didn't know it was possible. everything that happened this year taught me a lesson, made me stronger and helped me grow. there was not a second of this year where i thought to myself, "this is easy." and in a way, i'm thankful for that. in a way, i'm thankful that it's almost over.

i'm excited for what 2009 has to offer.

december

no matter how hard i try not to, i think i'm always going to hate this month.

chemists cursed me imbalanced.

this year has been insane. it has gone by so fast, yet so much has happened that january feels like lifetimes ago.

more and more the past few days i've found myself missing a home i don't even have, missing people who don't even exist. it doesn't make sense. but i've always said that december makes me crazy.

don't take this the wrong way. i'm not sad. i'm restless. i want a place i love to call home. i want something new, anything different. and maybe a change of pace as well.

i want to get out of here for a little while. and i want the new year, now.